Defined.

I think I had this thought last night of a post and what it was about and how i was going to wait till today to write it because i was too busy doing other things before. also, i went fucking crazy last night. for some reason, i just got in this mood that i was in most of the day, where my intent was just to remain as mysterious and confusing as i could...it later heightened to laughing fits. i don't know what happened. i just had a brief glimpse into insanity. it was fun.

what i really wanted to say is this: and don't ask because i don't know where its coming from. what can i say? i was in a funk. it just hit me that a lot people spend their time or hope to achieve something they call a definition of themselves. People who have the ability, when asked, to sum up their personality, their life in a few sentences or so. Maybe I'm fooled. But is that really possible? Can a person be that simple, so that their daily activities are consumed by one or two things, so that that is essentially what makes them who they are? I guess I'm having trouble with this because its like so many people need time to "find themselves", figure out where they fit in, so that they can have that one place that they go, and feel most comfortable. sure, we all do that. we find something we like, do it, and keep doing it, maybe even going so far to make it life-consuming. sometimes people are labeled as one thing or another, and stick with it because its familiar. I don't want to be constantly worrying about "who i am", who do i want to be, and when and how will i find out who this person is i call myself. I don't want to be viewed as less of a person because I'm not defined. At the same time, I don't want to be so transparent that any ole person could take one look and know what kind of person i am.

But wait. perhaps...maybe i am on the road to be defined, just not with a simple definition in mind. I'm not a scatterbrained fool, for christ's sake. But why am i fixated on this idea? Don't really know. Just something to think about, and whether it is a significant thing to consider. People are complex creatures. You think you know a person inside and out, but at every turn there are more and more surprises. And you think you know yourself, but there can be just as many surprises there. All i can say is that you are who you are, and to the people who are truly important, there's no need to explain.

Damn. I'm way too fucking introspective.