Things are much better now, thanks.

Really, everything. I'm having a great time. Saturday, I worked at a MoveOnPAC.org benefit yard sale. I walked a billion miles and back and it was exhausting. But I felt worthy for doing something noble. But the thing is, the buses are so unreliable, and I really like walking. Especially to some good listening. Recently, I purchased Gavin Conner's Moving on to New Disaster. It's not just good, but amazing beccause of his small-town talent. If you don't know of him, he is my sister's boyfriend's good friend. I know, it sounds like a multi-connection. But truly, it's awesome, and char even has a thanks to. so, go to http://gavin-conner.moonfruit.com.

I also went to the last Inside Improv show ever, which was really really fun. Truly a sad thing, but still awesome. Then Rachel and I joined Zack, Kit, and Jeff in congregating at Ethan's house, where I partook in a grape pushpop and half a frozen pizza, and good company. Until 4:15 am. Then we drove back, asleep by 5:15?

Yesterday, nothing much more than sleep, homework, and a good time with a great friend. Even when you don't know what you're doing, why you are doing it, or if you should completely be doing something else, and everything is ultimately confusing, great experiences, and good people, will drive you. And I know there's more to come. Just a note. Woo college. Keep loving.

Sometimes you just wish you were somebody else. You could rid of all your personal problems, and take somebody else's. No one is perfect and who wants to be. But if I wasn't me, I wouldn't have to deal what comes along with me. I would have to deal with someone else's bothers. I can often see that I don't want to do that because I can see in others what I wouldn't want to and/or be able to handle. There are things that I appreciate about me and my life. But right now, at this very moment, the problems I have to deal with are just causing more trouble in my own life and the lives of the people who care about me. If I could just dissolve into a crowd, no one would have to worry. But I don't want that either. Because I like that people care. It makes me feel good. But what if I'm just causing them more pain? How can someone be ever-selfless? I don't think they can because they really would just disappear. I don't know what I want, just to be a better person.

I'M MOVED IN. 102 avery check it.

BUT. my computer is broken. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAA.

that's how i feel about that. hopefully it will be healed soon, and i'll be back online. boobie.

yummy

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS PUSHPOPS ARE SO GOOD! listen people, they're strawberry and lemonade sorbet, and seriously was the greatest end to my day.

I scurried tonight to take my lappietoppie to computer therapy. It might be screwed, but I'm really hoping not. If you would, please make a prayer for it.

Cool schtuff. Things are happenin. Still can't wait to be back. Miss you.

ew.

I just ate Kentucky Fried Chicken, for, at most, the second time in my entire life. And I feel digusting.

And there's other things too, most of which most don't know the half of. And I won't even go into it. I never even planned on having a blog.

Amy

so ready

I listened to some old mix tapes from my pre-compact disc past. They were surprisingly good. It was refreshing. You should try it.

I hate snoring and other unwanted noises. I'm loving the Olympics. Go Michael Phelps! woo

I thought I wasn't quite ready, but I am. I completely with no doubt want to be back at school as soon as possible. It's a week from today, and I can barely stand it. Everything works out so much better there. Just everything. Some things are ridiculous. I can't even tell you. Sheesh. Tomorrow, come to me.

Tonight I got to spend some time with all my friends. We got a group of about 10 together, all from high school, everybody who I haven't seen for so long, and have missed. I got to catch up with just about everyone, and it felt really good. I love them all, and I'm so glad I finally got to see them all. I met my friend Dosha's new husband (yes! she's married!), and although it seems a little strange at first, I am so happy for them. Just seeing them together makes me really glad. It seems everybody has moved on, but they're still my same pals, and I'm just so glad that they are still around. It's been a few since I've been surrounded by people that make me really happy.

It's been a tough past few days, in my mind and in my house. I think it's hard to be around your family when everybody is having their own troubles and all you want is sympathy from them and to give them yours, but you don't know what's more important. Maybe I'm not getting what I seem to want from them, but really it could be a good thing that I've been taught to be independent and deal with my own shit and they'll deal with theirs. I'm not sure. But it's getting there. Tomorrow I'm leaving with my father and my sister for the weekend to go rafting in the mountains. I haven't spent a lot of time with my dad lately, and what it's like, that's a whole different story. A lot of the time it saddens me, but I've learned to deal with it my entire childhood. It's part of my life. I guess, I'm just hoping for a good time, and I'll be back soon enough.

Soon, I'll be moving back into my old life. Which in itself, will be different from when I left off. But after returning, I now know why it makes me so happy. I suppose, I'm on the road to being okay.

During my vacation, I recorded on my laptop everything we did, each day. Just for my own benefit, I guess. I was planning on concocting an entry about it, so you people could read about what I did while I was away from home. But now, I feel, since some things have happened since I've gotten back, it's just not pertinent anymore. I might be able to make it concise.

I learned how it is hot, not humid, like a sauna or the air coming out of an exhausting bus. Las Vegas consists of nuderific billboards, and showy, glittery huge signs. In Utah, I hiked in the beautiful backdrops of Zion, Bryce Canyon, and the Grand Canyon National Parks. They are all equally beautiful in their own way, with spectaculars overlooks of infinite canyons in each direction. I learned how fat the squirrels are in Utah, and how the many foreigners are fascinated as they gape at them scurrying through the parks. I found out some interesting things about Mormonism, and the fact that there is a small town on the border of Utah and Arizona that is purely polygamous and is filled with unfinished houses in order for the large families to not pay property taxes. I learned you don't run down steps really fast onto a high-up viewpoint and fall on the rocks, skinning both knees, hands, and an elbow, because then you would be hurt, and you would be my little brother. I fell in love with my brother's new friend: a stuffed buffalo that smells of herbs and is microwaveable. His name is Buffy, and you just want to hold him forever. I got a massage from a state-of-the art spa, which just felt really really good. In Vegas, I got overwhelmed with casinos and hotels and expensive everything. I saw Penn and Teller's live show and was amazed. I rode a roller coaster around the top of a tower which is taller than the Space Needle, and coincidentally, in our hotel. I was glad to be there and happy I had the privelige of being in such cool places. I had fun with my family, and was ready to come home when I did.

Now things are different.

Today all my animals played with me. I love them so much, and don't spend nearly enough time with them, I realized. I went outside to get the mail, and sat on the steps with my cat, Miguey (short for Miguel. She's a girl.) She was happy to be picked up and sat in my lap. She got cat hair all over my shirt, but I didn't care. It was just so gorgeous outside and she was biting my toes, and then after a bit, went and laid down on the steps again, completely content. All she seemed concerned about was finding a place to relax. I went inside and found my other cat, the grandma, the old lady. Josie is 11 now, it's crazy. She now has this sack of "skin" that hangs down from her, and she is just bigger all around. She's like a fatty now. She was sitting in the really comfy chairs that are in the living room, which i love, by the way. I sat with her for a bit, and she usually isn't that friendly. But today she let me pet her for awhile, and then just settled again. I thought that'd be enough. I rarely have such good quality times with my cats, but then my dog Ginny was sprawled out on the kitchen floor. God, I love her. She has these deep human eyes, and she yearns for attention. She ended up following me around for awhile. It's just, there was no else home at the time. Just me and my animals. It makes me realize how great they are, and that I need this time.

You see, my parents, they are surrounded with people all the time. They go to work, and they come home to deal with the family. No time to themselves. I don't know if I could do that. My father, on the other hand, lives alone. He buries himself in his work, and probably has too much time to himself. I know I couldn't do that either. So I guess I'm glad I am where I am.

hey i'm back! just lettin you know i'm here and there. i'm working on a bigger entry about my endeavors, so look for it in the near near future. now i'm at my house..... god. oh well, what can you do. only a few more weeks of summer!! i'm gonna try to make the most out these last three weeks, and then back to school. i can't waaaaait. yayy.
-ames