I guess I've been thinking about how people quantify their lives. It's like people measure themselves against everyone else, and that what they've done and experienced somehow shows an achievement of some sort. But what does that achieve exactly? So i've really found appreciation for those who don't do that. It's very refreshing.

A lot of people will say that they don't care what other people think. But seriously, most people do. But I think it's a good thing, as long as you can still make decisions based on your own well-being. Other people are important, so of course you're gonna care how it affects them.

But what i'm saying is, i'm still gonna care what others think about me. But there's a point when you do something for someone else, and do something for yourself. I just don't want to do something because that's what people are supposed to do, or maybe that's what YOU do. Isn't that called like conforming? pressured conforming.

One. I don't want to quantify things in my life. Quality is better than quantity in most cases don't you agree? Two. Quality can only be determined by YOU. Nobody else. Not even the closest person to you, who maybe knows you as well as you know yourself. Not the person you trust the most, or respect the most. It's all you, baby.

Say you got something you never thought you'd have, and maybe even thought you didn't deserve it. You're not quite sure why you didn't deserve it, or maybe it's just because you never had it before, so you're wondering why you have it now. And at the same time, you're wondering why all these other people around you just go through their lives not terribly worried that what they have might one day be gone and they'll be unhappier for it. Because they have no fear that something equally good or better will come along. But not you. You know what you have, and you know that's it's good. But because you don't think about things the same way all the other people do, you doubt yourself.

But deep down, you know that what's yours is yours, and it doesn't matter. You love what's important to you, and that matters.

Just thinking and loving.

yes

I decided I like muscles. Not in excess, but....yeah.

fall break

rebellious.

must.go.to.sleep.now.

i'll make this short because im leavin in like 5. this weekend was soo utterly awesome. god ben lee, i thought i loved you before. and i did. but now everything is so much cooler that i've talked to you. ahh! annywho, greatness. these last two days have been crazy, just constant doin shit in prep for the two killer exams i had today. so they're done with and im praying for decency. now im headin home for break, which will be nice and great to be with my bro. cause he really is a great 7-year old.

so the point is, if you wanna chill, im round. if you wanna chill with a 7-year old, that's cool too. so hit me up. i'm excited. it'll be good to take a break from insanity. sheesh man.

so love, live it up, and be wonderous.

love ames

I think maybe i've finally made it through the rough spot. Because things seem to be good now.

Yesterday: awesome. Ran around all day, going to 4 classes, the gym, to carrboro to get my car, took two midterms. and then, it was all worth it, just like i had hoped.

Jump Little Children was spectacular as always. It was hilarious. Matt Bivens totally told 700 or so people in the cat's cradle to go out and vote for John Kerry. And everyone cheered, except for this one annoying girl next to me. Loser. And he also declared Election Day the day you go out and vote AND "the day you go out and make out with someone". I'm cool with that. Who wants to participate??

The concert finished around 12:30 and I was trying to get over to Linda's so I could catch the last set of the Loreleis. And Laura Pyatt crammed 7 people into her car so I could make it. Thanks man. And I did make it, after the bouncer finally let me go down there. So it was great, a lot of music, all at one time.

Now I'm running around before I go out of town this weekend for BEN LEE. If you don't know how ecstatic I am, well I can tell you that I am. Goodness. So I hope everyone has a stellar weekend. SOOO happy right now.

and even though really i have sooo much to do, i work so fucking well under pressure. it's like easier for me to enjoy things, or something.
love ames

(btw, as i drove up my driveway this morning, my cat had a bird in her mouth. it was kinda disturbing. eh.)