GOD I LOVE HIM.

Ben Lee warms my heart.

This weekend was unexpectedly great. I wasn't even planning on going, but last minute I decided to, and was glad i did.

I ended up going up to D.C. with char, brent, max, and jen, meeting up with gavin and people to see Ben Lee at the Black Cat. Amazing show. Drove back to Hburg, arrive 5 am. They put flowers on the mikes to match his album cover. They say it really puts them in the mood. and Ben was incredibly happy throughout the show.

AND...then then next night, we did the same thing, except in Richmond!! This was so much different, the crowd was much smaller...so he played on the floor! And everybody sat down in front of him. It was wonderful. Then we talked to him, and his band mates. And it's great, because Gavin, the crazy man, has been to 23 BEN LEE SHOWS. i know, it's insane. but ben lee is always like heyyyy, gavin! and now the whole band knows him as "the super fan". And can I just say everyone in his band is completely awesome. I want to date them all.

I just think it's wonderful because not enough musicians actually express how much they love the music they're playing. But in D.C., Ben was so happy, like during one of the songs he was just like "God, I love music! I love playing music! It's amazing I actually get paid for this!" AHHH he's so great.

OH, and guess what? Gavin's girlfriend gave me a fake ID. so i have one now. if only i looked 27.

What else. I'm back in town now and just got back from a get together with my Costa Rica group. I met some people from UNC and Duke that I'll be going with this summer, and ate good food. It was fun. Makes me more excited and the trip a little more real now that i've met them.

Other "highlights" of this weekend? Well the openers both nights were the following: Maria Taylor and Har Mar Superstar. But listen, Maria Taylor is actually really good. It's this young girl and her brother and sister and couple others, and I really liked them a lot. I think i'll buy their album that comes out May 24th. SO. then there's Har Mar. And this is how we've been describing him to everyone. Picture Jon Lovitz. Then make him uglier. And fatter. And with longer gross hair while balding. Then give him a frillied red shirt and a white jacket with a harmar logo on the back. Then make him sing 70s disco/jackson five-ish music.

But the worst part...he stripped down. Eventually, he stripped down to just pants so his huge pot-belly was sticking out, and he goes out in the audience and makes out with girls. (i don't know why these girls do it). and i didn't see it until the second show, but he actually reached down into his pants, and pulled out pubes. it was digusting. we were afraid of him.

BUT. anyway. overall, wonderful crazy. i love that we have this group of people that are like Ben Lee's biggest fans and we all go to the shows together, because we all love him so much. makes me effervescent.

i should do this in chunks

SO. this past weekend was not what i expected it to be. regardless, i ended up having a really good time. i know i made a fool of myself in many respects. i did and said some things i shouldn't have done. i'm sorry for that. i'm not sorry for my feelings because they are what they are. i'm sorry for creating a situation that perhaps forced me to be hurt. but i can't say force because it takes self-control in both directions. the thing is, you do things like this because you are in the moment. you do it and then later you're like why did i do that? that wasn't necessary for my well-being. but that doesn't matter to you at the time. so you do it, and then, depending on the consequences, you move past it.

other than that, lets see...i went to a beautiful place. i saw my best friend in the world do what's she best at and loves. i met some awesome people that i had a great time with, while my face became scorched with the heat of a fire. i ate lots of mexican food. i saw two great friends from high school that i miss and hope to see more of. i danced on stage for the last time this school year, and loved it. i slept in my bed at home. i drove my car. that was good.

i'm a little bit in shambles right now. please bear with me as much as you can. things are different. i'm trying my best. i'm not giving up. i don't even know where i want my life to be. this keeps happening. you think you know you've got what you wanted. then things keep changing. you gain a little and you lose a little. maybe it's an enhancement maybe it's a fall back. but at some point you will meet that equilibrium. hopefully.

okay. by the way, i want to say that blatantly talking about certain people negatively in their blog using their name is really dumb. i hate it. i mean, maybe it's most direct, but for some reason, it really really bothers me. something sweet, occasionally. but if you are gonna be mad, or bash someone openly, just do it to their face, and not in some disrepectful retarded way. that's my take.

it's a beautiful day

Today is gorgeous. I spent some time walking 2 miles today in Mason Farm. It was insanely hot, but I learned about plants and succession of species. I also had some nice reflection time. It was wondrous.

Now, I'm in the Venable compy lab with my groupies. I've never been here before, it's crrrrazy!

People are good. I'm happy. Righteous.

lovingly, ames.

YESSSS

what a great day! guess what i've done for the last day and a half?

well: i'll start with about 4 pm monday. i got out of class early while laughing at this feminist woman on an advertising video, talked to sri (my cool media effects teach) about our group project, then walked outside into the sunshine. i chilled around for awhile, got an orange juice, had a couple of nice folks try to convert me to christianity...but, they were really nice, they just asked me all this stuff, so i didn't mind that they asked me about God. I was expecting it anyhow. Then I leisured back to the dorm, made some quickie plans for the night ahead, and went to dinner with rachel and sizzle. of course we can't find a table, and i had limited time to eat, but OH WELL. i ate...something. then i skidaddled over to dress rehearsal, where i frantically tried to rehearse before we performed. it was slightly in shambles, but alas, we've got time to practice more. by the way, if you are in chapel hill, PLEASE COME TO MY SHOW THIS SUNDAY. it's me tap dancing, and a bunch of cool others doing ballet, modern, jazz, and hip-hop. YAY! it's this sunday at 5 pm in the great hall, as well as next sunday the 17th. so then i bolted home, in preparation for...THE GAME!!! went to rams to buy rasberries, cherry coke, and gingerale. we were greeted by a fellow known at matt knisely, and he also brought along a friend of his (iiiinteresting). yeah, i don't know who reads this. meh. so we watched the game, fucking great. and then a good friend, seth fisher, also joined. he's the shit. SO WE FUCKING WON. and we jumped for joy and ran out of our dorm, hooting more, and then walked up to franklin with the masses. rachel and i lost the others on the way, like expected. but we held on to each other as we made our way through the crowd. i got: slapped on the ass by a big fat black guy, and almost trampled on. but i ran into a bunch of people i knew eventually. and i even saw mr. irwin swinging on a road sign. dang. it was crazy. we eventually got out of there after we had enough experience. it made me ridiculously happy. came back, then went over to spencer. i hung out with some katie, lindsay, will, and charlotte. and i ate a LOT of peanut brittle. it was cool. had a good heart to heart till about 3:30 am. then had a nice accompanied walk home, and then i went to sleep!

TUESDAY. had no fiction, and was supposed to meet katie for lunch at 11:30...but, that didn't happen very well, so i instead took a shower, and went to the class known as women in ancient greece and rome...and we got a free quiz grade by answering easy questions. which like saves my life, considering i'm failing that class. SO. then, i went to franklin to catch the bus to work. the bus decided not to come, so i instead got heckled by a man, and talked to a nice young blonde woman. Finally caught the F bus and was 15 minutes late to work. but...it was cool, and i spent most of the time talking about basketball with my coworkers, loving the bright day, and be effervescent with the customers.

It actually went fairly fast, and although I brought schoolwork to do, i did none of it. so then, i practiced dancing to one-two-step while i waited for the bus. got to franklin, walked to the union. from about 7 to 7:30, i went to the gallery, where katie's art was being exhibited. awesome, hung with cool people, looked at cool art, and ate good food. onward to...half-hour rehearsal. good stuff, getting better, hot. onward to...my media effects group meeting. yay, i love my group. it's awesome. GREAT. then, GYM w/katie. feels real good. woobie.

i'm not sure

You know how some days are really exciting, maybe some cool things happen that don't typically happen, and it is brightened. Some days interesting things happen to you that fit together completely. Other days are nothing too special. Well today seemed like one that wasn't like many others but it gave me a weird feeling. That it was terribly bad I don't think so. In a vague sense, I'm not sure what i mean.