i should do this in chunks

SO. this past weekend was not what i expected it to be. regardless, i ended up having a really good time. i know i made a fool of myself in many respects. i did and said some things i shouldn't have done. i'm sorry for that. i'm not sorry for my feelings because they are what they are. i'm sorry for creating a situation that perhaps forced me to be hurt. but i can't say force because it takes self-control in both directions. the thing is, you do things like this because you are in the moment. you do it and then later you're like why did i do that? that wasn't necessary for my well-being. but that doesn't matter to you at the time. so you do it, and then, depending on the consequences, you move past it.

other than that, lets see...i went to a beautiful place. i saw my best friend in the world do what's she best at and loves. i met some awesome people that i had a great time with, while my face became scorched with the heat of a fire. i ate lots of mexican food. i saw two great friends from high school that i miss and hope to see more of. i danced on stage for the last time this school year, and loved it. i slept in my bed at home. i drove my car. that was good.

i'm a little bit in shambles right now. please bear with me as much as you can. things are different. i'm trying my best. i'm not giving up. i don't even know where i want my life to be. this keeps happening. you think you know you've got what you wanted. then things keep changing. you gain a little and you lose a little. maybe it's an enhancement maybe it's a fall back. but at some point you will meet that equilibrium. hopefully.

okay. by the way, i want to say that blatantly talking about certain people negatively in their blog using their name is really dumb. i hate it. i mean, maybe it's most direct, but for some reason, it really really bothers me. something sweet, occasionally. but if you are gonna be mad, or bash someone openly, just do it to their face, and not in some disrepectful retarded way. that's my take.