just take some time

Today, I discovered that kiwi and watermelon is an irresistible mixture, and I love it. It's the color of Christmas but the feeling of summer. It was the highlight of my day.

I want my comfort back. I want to drive in the car and sing to my favorite unknown, only knowing that my passenger knows and loves all the words too. I want to watch a day's worth of television, even when there is something better to do. I want to pick out two obscure movies that neither of us have seen and fall asleep watching them. I want to complain about the worst people and boast about the best. I want to sleep until no one cares. I want to explain nothing because we both know what is already there.

Everything is beginning to be nothing but wishes. A lot of what I wanted then is what I have now, and yet I miss what I had then. There is no specific "now" and "then", it just is. And I know that I can't and don't truly want to escape everything of now. But I need time to let my overwhelmed mind reorganize. Let it process before it explodes. I need to be honest to myself and to everyone. It takes time and space.