K, so for various reasons, I've decided to start a new journal that will no longer be through blogger, so bloggerpeeps i'm sorry. it's all cool though because from now on you can visit me here.
http://livejournal.com/~heymeamy
i'm happy about this decision so everything is cool.
righteous, amy.
YESSS. Well everything is now fine. Nothing to worry about, only that I should keep doing better. Thank you god. I'm not screwed after all.
Well, I am officially home for two months, working three days a week, chilling out and getting ready for Costa Rica. That's all i have to do, nothing else to worry about right?
Maybe.
Well, I'm also officially in trouble. I reached too high. And failed. I thought I could do it all, and prove to myself that I could do it what everyone else told me was impossible. But I didn't achieve anything I hoped to. It was too much, and I lost it. Now I've lost my chance to be what I wanted to be. I used to be quite a great student. It was never a struggle for me, and I always prided myself on my academic achievement. But my sophomore in college....what happened? Something did, and it wasn't focused on academics. I guess you could say everyone has to hit a slump in their lives...but it's a matter of how they deal with it and if they choose the right path to get out of it. Well, here's mine. I thought I could do it, but I didn't.
So, right now, I don't know where I am going to go from here. But I am going to the best I can with the options I may or may not have. To be more specific, after this semester, my GPA has dropped too low for me to become a Journalism major (don't ask, it's a stupid stupid rule) which is essentially what I have been working toward. I am a double major with Biology and am currently struggling in it. I'm a rising Junior who is supposed to have a declared major and going somewhere with their life. As of this moment, I don't know what I'll be able to do.
I'm going to advising next week, and seeing what i can do about this. And i'm sorry for making a terribly boring post about academic shit. But i think it's an emergency.
Other than that, it's been nice to be home. And I'm going to the beach on Monday woot. More later.
-amy
wooohooo what a great weekend away from my life! i love those.
what did i do:
drove in the car with my family for a long time but it didn't seem long because i kept falling asleep. ate a really good dinner till like 11:00 pm in staunton, va. got pulled over for having a high beams on because "well, sir, most of the time people driving with their high beams on between 10 pm and 2 am are intoxicated. but it doesn't seem like that's the case." haha. went to two parties. one of which i had two glasses of wine and hardly knew anybody and just watched this guy talk about penises and make a deaf person impression for like 20 minutes. the second of which i got more trashed, talked to guys from VMI about their crazy lives, and played drinking games.
i woke up with a headache so i could meet my parents and see my sister graduate. had an awkward encounter with my mom and stepdad meeting my dad and his woman "friend". watched my sister graduate with my family. went to a barbecue. drove to uncle's house that's awesome. drank a margarita and a half with my relatives. watched everyone else and took pictures of them taking tequila shots. got really buzzed and fell asleep on the couch. then woke up to have an AMAZING DINNER: chicken and steak fajitas with everything good. my uncle is wonderful. ate a really good chocolate cake. sang a lotta karaoke with my relatives. i busted out some "walk this way" and faith hill. watched larry the cable guy till we all fell asleep. slept to awake to a humongously good breakfast: huevos, bacon, and hashbrowns, and lots of fruit. wished everybody mother's day.
lot of celebration. lot of love. awesome. awesome.
have to study for an exam but don't wanna! it's almost summer! wooooohooooooo
so i finally found some time to make a post.
dude. i JUST finished TWO EXAMS. today was the day of hell. and i thinking i'm failing out of college, but i don't want to talk about it. so boobie. but i'm done with that shit. and i'm glad i chose to have fun this weekend rather than not. eff that. friday was fucking awesome. i wish i did that every day. me and rachel and jade lin had a great time being RETARDED and it was awesomely great. saturday was crazy, ended up going to the dth banquet, couldn't ever get a ride home but then did, and eventually ended up at 80s dance. it wasn't one of the best but despite my shoes, i still had fun in the end. the point is that i felt really great this weekend, despite everything. i hadn't felt that way in a really long time. it's hard to explain without being really specific, but i feel so much better. just putting things that suck aside and just saying i honestly don't care. making it better feels GREAT. i hope that stays.
you know, i'm myself. i can't pretend, or even attempt to be you, or anything else. sometimes you think that being like someone else would make you happier. but it's not the natural thing. and if you're not real, then who are you. what you do works for you, and that's lovely. but once you find happiness, you'll know why. and i bet you anything it won't be because you pretended.
Ben Lee warms my heart.
This weekend was unexpectedly great. I wasn't even planning on going, but last minute I decided to, and was glad i did.
I ended up going up to D.C. with char, brent, max, and jen, meeting up with gavin and people to see Ben Lee at the Black Cat. Amazing show. Drove back to Hburg, arrive 5 am. They put flowers on the mikes to match his album cover. They say it really puts them in the mood. and Ben was incredibly happy throughout the show.
AND...then then next night, we did the same thing, except in Richmond!! This was so much different, the crowd was much smaller...so he played on the floor! And everybody sat down in front of him. It was wonderful. Then we talked to him, and his band mates. And it's great, because Gavin, the crazy man, has been to 23 BEN LEE SHOWS. i know, it's insane. but ben lee is always like heyyyy, gavin! and now the whole band knows him as "the super fan". And can I just say everyone in his band is completely awesome. I want to date them all.
I just think it's wonderful because not enough musicians actually express how much they love the music they're playing. But in D.C., Ben was so happy, like during one of the songs he was just like "God, I love music! I love playing music! It's amazing I actually get paid for this!" AHHH he's so great.
OH, and guess what? Gavin's girlfriend gave me a fake ID. so i have one now. if only i looked 27.
What else. I'm back in town now and just got back from a get together with my Costa Rica group. I met some people from UNC and Duke that I'll be going with this summer, and ate good food. It was fun. Makes me more excited and the trip a little more real now that i've met them.
Other "highlights" of this weekend? Well the openers both nights were the following: Maria Taylor and Har Mar Superstar. But listen, Maria Taylor is actually really good. It's this young girl and her brother and sister and couple others, and I really liked them a lot. I think i'll buy their album that comes out May 24th. SO. then there's Har Mar. And this is how we've been describing him to everyone. Picture Jon Lovitz. Then make him uglier. And fatter. And with longer gross hair while balding. Then give him a frillied red shirt and a white jacket with a harmar logo on the back. Then make him sing 70s disco/jackson five-ish music.
But the worst part...he stripped down. Eventually, he stripped down to just pants so his huge pot-belly was sticking out, and he goes out in the audience and makes out with girls. (i don't know why these girls do it). and i didn't see it until the second show, but he actually reached down into his pants, and pulled out pubes. it was digusting. we were afraid of him.
BUT. anyway. overall, wonderful crazy. i love that we have this group of people that are like Ben Lee's biggest fans and we all go to the shows together, because we all love him so much. makes me effervescent.
SO. this past weekend was not what i expected it to be. regardless, i ended up having a really good time. i know i made a fool of myself in many respects. i did and said some things i shouldn't have done. i'm sorry for that. i'm not sorry for my feelings because they are what they are. i'm sorry for creating a situation that perhaps forced me to be hurt. but i can't say force because it takes self-control in both directions. the thing is, you do things like this because you are in the moment. you do it and then later you're like why did i do that? that wasn't necessary for my well-being. but that doesn't matter to you at the time. so you do it, and then, depending on the consequences, you move past it.
other than that, lets see...i went to a beautiful place. i saw my best friend in the world do what's she best at and loves. i met some awesome people that i had a great time with, while my face became scorched with the heat of a fire. i ate lots of mexican food. i saw two great friends from high school that i miss and hope to see more of. i danced on stage for the last time this school year, and loved it. i slept in my bed at home. i drove my car. that was good.
i'm a little bit in shambles right now. please bear with me as much as you can. things are different. i'm trying my best. i'm not giving up. i don't even know where i want my life to be. this keeps happening. you think you know you've got what you wanted. then things keep changing. you gain a little and you lose a little. maybe it's an enhancement maybe it's a fall back. but at some point you will meet that equilibrium. hopefully.
okay. by the way, i want to say that blatantly talking about certain people negatively in their blog using their name is really dumb. i hate it. i mean, maybe it's most direct, but for some reason, it really really bothers me. something sweet, occasionally. but if you are gonna be mad, or bash someone openly, just do it to their face, and not in some disrepectful retarded way. that's my take.
